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I find it absolutely amazing that we had an estimated 30 million visits to national forests in 2016 and no one shit or pissed on my head from above.

That is awesome!  Congratualtions, guys and gals, you already know how to poo in national parks to some extent.  Thank you for keeping your defecations off my beautiful head.

Although it is a good thing, keeping your waste materials off other people is only one goal of proper shitting technique.

Objectives for Proper Human Waste Disposal.

I want you to relieve yourself of the pain of holding your waste in.  I also want you to do so in a manner that will not screw up nature for everyone else.  No one wants to step in your scat on the trail!  Here are the objectives.

  1. Keep your waste off of other people
  2. Reduce polluting of any water sources
  3. Reduce spread of diseases
  4. Minimize aesthetic and social impacts
  5. Maximize decomposition

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Basic Principles for Wilderness Pooping

In order to achieve all the mentioned objectives, we need to adhere to a few basic principles.

  1. Stay away from traffic
  2. Stay away from water
  3. Hide or disperse your waste
  4. Use biodegradable stuff

How to Shit and Piss in the Wilderness

The moment you have been waiting for is here.  I am going to teach you, in an unnecessarily analytical way, how to do what nature taught you to do at birth.  Ready?  I sure hope so!!!

I have many recommendations to help the comfort of squatting in the wild.

  1. Use extablished toilets: Use the toilet before you go out, so you have less of a chance for the uncomfortable Wilderness Poop. It also helps follow “Leave No Trace.”
  2. Sit Against a Tree: This isn’t actually very comfortable and will burn your legs a bit.
  3. Sit On a Sapling: Use a low branch or a flexible sapling to hang your tushie over and keep your legs wide, so you don’t crap on yourself.

If you want to be a good environmental stuart and reduce your chances of pissing off people (or pissing on them), just follow these suggestions.

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  1. Go Over There: Avoid being lazy. Walk 200 feet (70 adult paces, 100 child paces) away from trails, shelters, campsites, or water sources.  This gets you out of site and reduces your chance of polluting the water.
  2. Dig a Cat Hole: Dig a hole 6-9 inches deep that you can aim at. You can dig this with a stick, so you don’t have to pack a shovel.  Always sprinkle dirt over your shit.  When you are done with the cat hole, cover it up fully with dirt.  I also recommend that you mark it while in use so no one steps in it.
  3. Use a WAG Bag: A Waist Alleviation Gel (WAG) Bag has a gelatin in it that will solidify your waste while also neutralizing the pathogens in it, making it same to pack it back out.
  4. Kitty Litter and Plastic Bags: Some people carry this with them so they can pack their waste back out. Always use thick bags and double bag.
  5. Choose Deep Organic Soil: This makes digging easier and the organic soil has more organisms that will help decompose your discharge.
  6. Sunlight is Your Friend: Since decomposition is key, the sunlight also will help speed up the decomposition of your deuce due to the heat. Shite in an area that gets maximum sunlight throughout the day.
  7. Elevate Your Bum: Lay your manure in an elevated area that doesn’t collect tons of water during storms or flash floods.
  8. Crap with a Smile: You shouldn’t be around anyone, but if they accidentally pass you by, smile and wave. You are being friendly, and can probably creep them out.

What to Wipe Your Butt With in the Wilderness

While you are having this rectal adventure during your adventure, make sure that you wipe your derriere with something soft and biodegradable.

  1. Toilet Paper: Use biodegradable toilet paper so you can bury it. If it isn’t, you may be packing it out.
  2. Wet Wipes: If you want a fresh fanny, wet wipes are golden nuggets (some pun intended). You absolutely need to get biodegradable wet wipes for the environment.
  3. Leaves: When all else fails, and you didn’t prepare for your posterior, you can always wipe your haunches with leaves. Make sure you know which leaves you are using and don’t choose something poisonous.  That would make a bad day for your backside.

I know this was a pretty funny post, but (no pun intended) it has some really great tips for using the john while on an adventure.  Some people think that this is not practicing “Leave no Trace” when you deficate outside, but we need to be realistic here.

Just do your best to follow these Rump Rules to be environmental and socially responsible.



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Ken is addicted to fitness and mountain biking. He is such a thrill seeker, people are starting to be concerned!He enjoys MTBing, Hiking, Climbing, Geocaching, Orienteering, Weight Lifting, and Wilderness Survival.

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